SO OUT OF DATE

I don’t think I’ve written in full sentences since GCSE English, but there is something gratifying about writing a big chunk of unreadable text, sooo bare with me…

My name is Dan, 19 years old, 6’2” and born in Kent. Currently suffering (studying economics) at the University of Birmingham zzz. I literally cannot wait until I finish so I can go travelling and work abroad, somewhere hot where they sell £3 watches on the beach and sunglasses which melt on your face. I also have a part time job in a GAY BAR to fund my vodka intake. I’m not gonna lie, this last year has been a big doss with about 5% work, 90% staggering home at 6am and 5% masturbation.

I hate the fact that I love food so much and the gym so little, though I have promised myself I will start swimming again in September. I used to swim a lot, like 14+ hours a week, 5am starts, national championship level, no social life, you get the idea. Then I discovered I actually prefer it when liquid is triple distilled and 37.5% Vol and not in it’s chlorinated form, so dropped out like a loser. 

I’m always shy at first. But like when a little kid first steps on a bouncy castle, I soon open up, make friends and end up getting kicked in the face by some bastard. I take joy in awkward situations and have a crude sense of humour, most people get it and the rest just unfollow me. I’m partially colourblind which CRUSHED my childhood dreams of becoming a pilot and bizarrely I have no sense of smell. No I cannot smell poo or wee or the stench coming from your mum’s vagina. Yes I will still hurt you if you fart in my face. OK, going off topic a bit…

This is my blog and I will always post the stuff I like, which can vary a lot! It generally follows themes of comedy, divas, glitter, American dramas, NICKI MINAJ, food, fit guys penis, fashion, gore, music, my life in general and I try to make a few gifs now and then too, which can be found here. I will never post about Justin Bieber, chunky cardigans, dying my hair pink, bow ties or ‘artistic’ photos taken with my vintage camera I bought off eBay for 99p. If you like, then do please follow. If you don’t, please follow and proceed to my ask box where you can send all the hate you like, I love it :) 

Right, I’m struggling now. If you have any questions send them my way and I might add a FAQ’s section later on… thanks for reading guys x